I am going to make a plan to revise my essay. this plan will include me doing the following:

-First I will read my essay out loud to myself because you can hear mistakes you have made that you sometimes can’t see.  I will then read the essay out loud to a family member or someone who didn’t write it and see if they pick up on any mistakes that I have made, or sentences they may seem like they are running too long, as that is one of my biggest challenges. I tend to continuously write what comes to mind and I do not always break up my ideas so paragraphs and sentences run too long. I will also re-read Southan’s essay and re-watch the Ted Talk with Titus Kaphar and take a look at my claims and make sure that I am properly explaining their ideas when trying to back up my evidence towards the claims. I Will also look back to my Little Seagull hand book and try to find techniques that I can use to help fix parts in my essay that I do not feel too sure about. Along with the Little Seagull handbook I will also be looking back at my They Say I Say book jut to make sure that I have written my thesis and my thesis paragraph correctly. Lastly I will read through my paper and pick and choose the parts that I feel like I am unsure about and I will try to re-write them. Once this is done Ii will put the re-written work in me essay, read it out loud for a potential final time and see if I am satisfied with the outcome. Once this is completed, if I am not satisfied, I will continue to try to re-write my chosen sentences to fit my essay as best as they can to make me obtain satisfaction.

After peer reviewing both of my classmates essays I was able to categorize my comments into the three sections we talked about in class, here are just a few examples.

“Ideas” Comment- “I think that your intro paragraph flows very smoothly and that you’re explaining exactly  what you’re going to write about, your thesis, very well.” This falls under the “ideas” category because Ii am explaining to the author that his thesis is very clear, it is indeed identifiable. This author knows exactly what they want to write about and it is very clear to read and makes it easier for the reader to read, making them want to read more.

“Evidence” Comment- “I think that this is a great example of using evidence, using the words “furthermore” and “to illustrate the point” this fits in very smoothly sand acts as great evidence/proving your point”  This falls under the “evidence” category because I explained to the author that his use of word choice is a great way to blatantly get to the point in explaining his quote, he didn’t bead around the bush, we learned in class to not hesitate to just be blunt, like “he’s my quote, here”s why is works, obviously not THAT blunt, but the author if this essay explained and proved his quotes very well

“Organization” Comment- “I think words like “lastly” and “overall” really belong in a conclusion paragraph. As a reader I feel like I am about to be done reading the essay when you still have more to say afterwards.” This falls under the “organization” category because I am explaining to the author that his wording, to me, does not really work there. I was trying to help him out with saying that he should try to use those kind of words in the last paragraph, to wrap up the essay, not in the middle of a middle paragraph when there are still more ideas to be read about.

My experience in prioritizing global edits over local edits was very different for me. I like that I was given initial ideas to think about when I was reading my peers papers, and that when I was reading and commenting I was allowed to go more in depth  in commenting on the paper instead of just talking about grammar, so typical. I really felt like I was potentially actually really helping the author out in trying to make their essay better, sure they won’t have to agree with all my ideas, but it felt good help thus far. And it made wonder about my essay while i was reading theirs, giving them ideas and helpful potential correction that I could perhaps apply to my own essay.

As I have recently just finished peer editing some of my classmate’s intro paragraphs, I find myself satisfied. It felt good to be able to compliment another peers work and let them know that they are doing a good job. I read a handful of people’s intro paragraphs and in the process it gave me new potential ideas for my own. I also read some of the reply’s that were classmates helping out their peers and they also helped me out by taking their criticism and applying it to mine. I find that sometimes, not ALL the time, a  professors corrections can be heavier in a sense than those of your peers. Your peers and you are on the same team, both trying to succeed, so when you come together to help one another…it feels good, you’re all together to help reach the same winning goal.

All of the peer edits were very helpful.

TITUS KAPHAR CAN ART AMEND HISTORY; TED TALK SUMMARY

Titus Kaphar is an artist who brought his kids to an art museum. Before they had entered the building, one of his kids noticed something about the sculpture that was outside of it. The curious child proceeded to ask his father, Kaphar, about the sculpture saying, “How come he gets to ride and they have to walk”(1:12). The sculpture was of Teddy Roosevelt riding a horse and two children not or the white race walking along side the horse. Kaphar, in the Ted talk, proceeded to tell his story, saying that he didn’t have an answer for his child.  His son was realizing that it wasn’t fair. Kaphar new this, but didn’t know how to take it. “That doesn’t look fair, why is this thing that is so not fair, sitting outside such an amazing institution”(1:36).  Kaphar wanted to change things.

Kaphar had taken collage courses when he was younger, one of them being art history, after enjoying it due to his liking of visual learning, he took more art classes. The last art history class that Kaphar took was a survey art class that tried to push too many topics into a short amount of time. Because of this, the professor wanted to skip a subject that, of course, was the subject Kaphar was most excited for. “We’re going to skip this chapter today”(5:39).  Kaphar was very passionate about this and made multiple attempts to have the professor go over it, including going to the dean.  In the end, he had to just teach and learn about it on his own time.

Kaphar continued to be very passionate about this subject. In the Ted Talk, he spoke a lot about it. Paintings everywhere, ones that he visited in museums to teach himself how to paint were all paintings that put black people away. These paining made black people seem less important than the paper they are getting painted on. “There are more written about dogs in our history than there is about this other character”(9:10). Kaphar really wanted to do something about this. But he didn’t want to erase history or make people think it’s about ratification, because it is not. “Shift your gaze slightly, just momentarily”(10:13). Kaphar in his art that is in a way fixing the originally art, has paintd over the other characters in the painting, all except for the black boy. But he has put oil in the paint so that the other originally more drawn out characters are not completely covered. Kaphar wants to show that the black boy is just as important. In all art, black people are just as important to all other characters.

RHYS  SOUTHAN IS ART A WASTE OF TIME; SUMMARY

Rhy Southan is an artist, a writer. He wrote an essay that started by explaining how he views art and how he enjoys it. Also in the beginning he shares that he heard about this group, a growing activism movement called Effective Altruism. He meets up with two of them on a train and turns out that the two group members, later known as EA’s, are going to attened a group meeting in East Devon fro a cottage retreat. The idea of a cottage and woodsy setting for this writer to complete his screenplay sounded excellent. Southan joined them. While on this retreat, not only writing got done, but so did a lot of learning about the Effective Altruism movement. Bonding with the group members they started telling Southen that there are other more important things to worry about in this world other that art and writing. The EA’s explained that their movement was about aiding in ending poverty. Being a part of their movement meant putting as much as you can, including money wise especially into helping people in poverty. “A baseline donation of 10 percent of your income to effective charities”(p433). All of this seemed almost absurd to Southan, it made him question if art was actually important in helping the world or not? And maybe if it even mattered.  The EA’s continued to let Southan know that art does’t help the world, “Effective Altruism would sometimes say that the thing you most enjoy isn’t the most moral thing to do.”(p438).  Southan doubts about art helping the world where not helped when later he found out that his finished screenplay was turned down. All of this in addition to his screenplay failure made Southan, again, second guess himself and continue to think, are the EA’s right? Are their ideas valid? Southan later talks about how the EA’s have almost a concept that if you don’t have a high paying job, then you are very replaceable. So art would not be a great job to them, continuing the idea that it is not important. Southan talks about a story that he heard from a programmer for the UK -based ethical careers website 80,000 hours, Ozzie Gooen told him about. In the story describes a spoofed super hero that cared about art making rather than helping people in need. Those people still felt good because what they were doing was better than nothing. This hero was called “Net Positive Man”. Southen sees Gooen’s views but does not agree with them because this hero was making fun at those people who chose art instead. “If what you want to do is make the world better, the impact of paying to treat many people with curable diseases might seem a little humdrum compared with the revolution in human consciousness that will surly come when you publish your novel. But if donating to charity feels a bit generic, the lives it saves are not.”(p450) Southan then on the same page uses the quote, “If accepting the shallow-pond analogy, everyone is morally horrific. Even Peter Singer himself. Everyone can be doing more than they currently are.” Southen concludes with this saying not doing art instead matters just as much as it does’t matter. Anyone can always do more, so might as well do what you want to do.

After reading “Is Art a Waste of Time” by Rhy Southan for the second time, I have learned a few things about myself. I have learned that I am very passionate about the arts without even knowing it. I always knew that I respected and enjoyed the arts, however, I didn’t participate in them as much as you might think I would after reading my first blog post. I have also learned that I am very stubborn and have almost a tunnel vision towards Southan’s essay. While I was reading it for the second time I noticed that just like the first time, I found myself getting angrier and angrier. I have no patience for people like the EA’s. I am all for helping people in poverty and helping trying to end it ,but I don’t think it has to come down to what they are doing. The EA’s are not even paying attention to their own message! They are trying to make people happy, that is their goal, by helping them. They are devoting their lives as much as they can towards helping people in poverty. They want to give money and aid them because in the end, those people will be happier if they had a little more in their pocket. It is a lot of it, but population in poverty is defiantly not 100% of the world! There are other people that need happiness on this planet, including themselves. Hats off to them if what they’re doing is what truly makes them happy, go ham at it, but that is not the entire world’s hobby. People do what they love and that is what makes them happy. For some people it is art. Those people are allowed to devote as much time to making art as the EA’s spend helping people in poverty. When I was glossing the text I just found more reasons to be angry and not like the EA’S. For example, while glossing the text I came across the word “lucrative”. After finding out on Dictionary dot com (http://www.dictionary.com/browse/lucrative) that it means “money making”, I re-read the sentence. It was in the first paragraph on page 437 of Rhy’s essay. In this paragraph it was talking about the replacement factor of the EA’s. Basically it says, if you’re not in a “lucrative” business or job, then you might as well not be helping the EA’s at all.  I become furious after reading this, a familiar feeling, and continue to hold my same opinion towards them. Glossing the text served as great kindling for the fire of hatred I have towards the EA’s. It helped me more understand words I didn’t know prior, and had me reaching new levels of hate for this organization. People are still good people as long as they are doing good. Good shouldn’t be measured, because every penny counts and a little good is better than none at all.

Is art important at all to the world? Many people have various different opinions on the matter. Art comes in endless different shapes, sizes, forms, and meanings. However, as I read in Rhys Southan’s “Is Art a Waste of Time”, art to many means nothing at all.  People he calls “EA’s”, people who are part of a program called “Effective Altruism” that basically devote their lives to working to get money for the needy. These people spread a message to the world that says, if you’re not trying to get the best paying job you can get to help the needy, you might as well be napping peacefully by a pond that carries screaming drowning people. In better words, if you are not giving as much money as you can to the people who need it to try to help end poverty, you are the worst person ever. By having a carer that is in the arts, such as writing, dancing, painting etc., you typically do not make as much money as you could if you worked at some high end corporation office job. Because of this the EA’s, think you are meaningless and your efforts toward helping the world are weak. Where I can agree to some degree that they could be making more money, only in some cases, I disagree where it means saying that art and people who have careers in the arts mean nothing. Looking at he image of the pages I posted, page 436, next to the second paragraph I noted/reacted by saying “People are shut down so easily by a group of people. If you’re confident in you beliefs, KEEP THEM!”.  In the second paragraph Southan describes how slowly he almost starts to believe the EA’s in saying that art doesn’t matter just because of random coincidental acts that made him believe so. Previous to that he had talked about how all the EA’s had to say to him about his art was negative, they tried to show and tell him that it meant nothing. It was a group of people he went to a cabin meeting for the organization with telling him that art doesn’t matter in helping, basically. Then he started to doubt himself. I think that this is horrible, I believe that when you tell someone enough times something, even when it is not true, they start to believe it. With a group of people doing so just makes the process move faster. I hate this, I think that if people have a strong belief about something they should stick to it and not let peoples strong judgments interfere. In two paragraphs, two paragraphs  below this one  Southan talks about how  the EA’s believe that it doesn’t matter what you believe  or what you have enjoyed doing, if at the end of it all, you actually didn’t do good for the world with it, then it is junk. If your art doesn’t help out, then it is junk and not useful at all. Well, I do not believe this at all. I wrote/noted next to these paragraphs “Oh, I don’t like the EA’s point of view, art can bring people together for a greater cause”.  I feel very strongly about what I wrote. At is not useful, especially in helping the world. Art brings people from all over the world together to share the same idea. It helps them realize the bigger picture that the artist may have been trying to portray. People coming together to help support and idea or a foundation/organization in a group, putting all of their efforts in, in my opinion, is always better than one person giving their two cents.

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