Month: February 2018

PART 1

Quote one:

 While Southan is a writer, one who really enjoys art, the EA’s want almost nothing to do with it. “Artists. Meanwhile, paint beautiful landscape in front of them while the rest of the world burns”(437).

Revision:

 While Southan is a writer, one who really enjoys art, the EA’s want almost nothing to do with it. They disagree with his opinions on art when they say “Artists. Meanwhile, paint beautiful landscape in front of them while the rest of the world burns”(437).

Quote two:

Later in Southan’s essay he explains how a member of the EA wanted art. “I would really love to have some artists. We really need visual designers. It would be great to have people think about Effective Altruism could be promoted through art.”(437).

Revision:

Later in Southan’s essay he points out how a member of the EA actually wanted art. According to Southan, the EA member stated, “I would really love to have some artists. We really need visual designers. It would be great to have people think about Effective Altruism could be promoted through art.”(437).

PART TWO

This is an eye opener. Kaphar talks about “the impact that art can have”(10:38).

Alteration:

This is an eye opener. Kaphar talks about the impact that art can have multiple times during his Ted Talk. At one point he starts to explain the importance of the historical art he’s standing up for.  “The impact on these kinds of paintings on people most vulnerable in society, seeing these kinds of depictions of themselves all the time.” (10:38).

Reflection:

I am so happy to have done this! I feel much better about these quotes now and how they fit in the paragraphs that they are in! It strongly encourages me to go back and revise the rest of my quotes. I felt before that these quotes were a little awkward where they sat, so I am happy to have done this, hopefully it’s done correctly.

First Paragraph Revision:

Original:

With art having this power of bringing people together, just think of the power of what it can do. It could really be an eye opener to people. All of these people together have the great ability to make a change. Two is always better than one like one thousand is better than one hundred. Imagine all of the hands, brains, and voices working together, all sharing the same ideas and goals, the force and impact that they have on what they feel could be truly incredible. Titus Kaphar, a self taught artist,had something special brought to his attention what he brought his children to an art museum one day. His son opened his eyes, he brought to his attention the racism in the art that they were viewing. They were viewing a historical structure of Theodore Roosevelt riding a horse while children not of his race walk on the ground beside the horse. Kaphar went on to want to change this, to stop it, and to make people see his idea. Kaphar brought people together through his art, making them realize what a part of our history is. This brings people together sharing the idea of racism and how real is was in our history, and even so today. His art brings attention to the colored people in it that didn’t have it previously. This is an eye opener. Kaphar talks about “the impact that art can have”(10:38 Ted Talk). This is what I am trying to say. Racism being so greatly noticed back then and now, this art helps people come together and notice these ideas and facts, and help put a greater note on the world that says it needs to stop. Looking back, in the same way, the EA’s being brought together, potentially by art, or even not with art, you can clearly see that people forming together can do amazing things like start a movement or spread an awareness.

Altered:

With art having this power of bringing people together, just think of the power of what it can do. It could really be an eye opener to people. All of these people together have the great ability to make a change. Two is always better than one like one thousand is better than one hundred. Imagine all of the hands, brains, and voices working together, all sharing the same ideas and goals, the force and impact that they have on what they feel could be truly incredible. That is power. Titus Kaphar, a self taught artist, had something special brought to his attention what he brought his children to an art museum one day. As a result, his son opened his eyes, he brought to his attention the racism in the art that they were viewing. They were viewing a historical structure of Theodore Roosevelt riding a horse while children not of his race walk on the ground beside the horse. Kaphar went on to want to change this, to stop it, and to make people see his idea. Kaphar brought people together through his art, making them realize what a part of our history is. This brings people together sharing the idea of racism and how real is was in our history, and even so today. His art brings attention to the colored people in it that didn’t have it previously. This is a powerful eye opener. Kaphar talks about “the impact that art can have”(10:38 Ted Talk). This is what I am trying to say. Racism being so greatly noticed back then and now, this art helps people come together and notice these ideas and facts, and help put a greater note on the world that says it needs to stop. Looking back, in the same way, the EA’s being brought together, potentially by art, or even not with art, you can clearly see that people forming together can do amazing things like start a movement or spread an awareness.

-I used Parallel Structures and Transitions to help me when I was tweaking this paragraph that I had already written previously.  While reading W-4c out of “The Little Seagull”, I noticed that these two things could help me in this paragraph. With parallel structuring, I like that it potentially gives the reader a better understanding of how important art is. By continue to read how it relates to being powerful, maybe subconsciously the reader will get it in their mind that, yes, art is indeed powerful. With the Transition structuring help, I feel like even just that little bit helps the paragraph run a little smoother and also help tell the story in order of what happened to help with my evidence and supporting my claim.

Second Paragraph Revision:

Original:

While art can help us see ideas that are overall good and help us make a change, it can also help us see the truth. Art says a lot about our history and who we are today. As mentioned before about Kaphar, he noticed what history takes place in art through time. He sees that it is wrong, wrong that we put people of color in the back. We put people of color before everything else. “There are more written about dogs in our history than there is about this character.”(9:10 Ted Talk). That is sickening, but it is true. Art is powerful in this way as well, and history does not lie. Art is valuable in the is way in the sense that it reminds us of who we were, who we are, and they we need to fix it. Art helps us change by showing us our history. Kaphar talks about when he was in school, in his art class his professor wanted to skip the chapter about black history in art, she didn’t want to give it the time of day. After Kaphar did all he could, “We’re going to skip this chapter today.”(5:39 Ted Talk) We are the same as were were. Not entirely of course, but the idea that colored people matter less still lies around. Art reminds us of our history, this is valuable, we need this because sometimes some of us form ignorant opinions, that shouldn’t be at all. We need to be reminded of our history, to remember to not be like we were before, and art helps with that.

While art can help us see ideas that are overall good and help us make a change, it can also help us see the truth. Art says a lot about our history and who we are today. As mentioned before about Kaphar, he noticed what history takes place in art through time. He sees that it is wrong, wrong that we put people of color in the back. We put people of color before everything else. “There are more written about dogs in our history than there is about this character.”(9:10 Ted Talk).  Art is powerful in this way as well, and history does not lie. Art is valuable in the is way in the sense that it reminds us of who we were, who we are, and they we need to fix it. Art helps us change by showing us our history. Kaphar talks about when he was in school, in his art class his professor wanted to skip the chapter about black history in art, she didn’t want to give it the time of day. After Kaphar did all he could, “We’re going to skip this chapter today.”(5:39 Ted Talk) We are the same as were were. Where is the change?  Art reminds us of our history, this is valuable, we need this because sometimes some of us form ignorant opinions, that shouldn’t be at all. We need to be reminded of our history, to remember to not be like we were before, and art helps with that.

-I used Sticking to the Main Point and Parallel Structures when I was revising this paragraph. After reading about the Sticking to the Main Point passage in “The Little Seagull” I thought that it could apply with at least one paragraph I wrote. I found it to be this paragraph where I strayed off from the main point of the paragraph a few times, after reading from “The Little Seagull” It made it easier for me to determined which sentences I needed and which ones I could get rid of, like sentences I used to connect my own opinions. I don’t need those. They were, to me, opinions that only I would understand if I was reading it, because I am the one who wrote it. I also used Parallel Structures again for this paragraph as well. I really like the idea of it, and that it can potentially help the reader understand your views better with spreading and important part of the point your making in that paragraph across the entire paragraph.

————————————————————–

– This Process has infected my writing over all because when I write another paper I will not only feel like I have “The Little Seagull” to look bag on for help, but also as I continue to use these tips and ideas, I will remember them and hopefully they will become natural to me as I write. Making me a better writer. It will help me grow and hopefully help me branch out from my usual five-paragraph-essay way of writing that has been programmed in my brain since fifth grade.

I am going to make a plan to revise my essay. this plan will include me doing the following:

-First I will read my essay out loud to myself because you can hear mistakes you have made that you sometimes can’t see.  I will then read the essay out loud to a family member or someone who didn’t write it and see if they pick up on any mistakes that I have made, or sentences they may seem like they are running too long, as that is one of my biggest challenges. I tend to continuously write what comes to mind and I do not always break up my ideas so paragraphs and sentences run too long. I will also re-read Southan’s essay and re-watch the Ted Talk with Titus Kaphar and take a look at my claims and make sure that I am properly explaining their ideas when trying to back up my evidence towards the claims. I Will also look back to my Little Seagull hand book and try to find techniques that I can use to help fix parts in my essay that I do not feel too sure about. Along with the Little Seagull handbook I will also be looking back at my They Say I Say book jut to make sure that I have written my thesis and my thesis paragraph correctly. Lastly I will read through my paper and pick and choose the parts that I feel like I am unsure about and I will try to re-write them. Once this is done Ii will put the re-written work in me essay, read it out loud for a potential final time and see if I am satisfied with the outcome. Once this is completed, if I am not satisfied, I will continue to try to re-write my chosen sentences to fit my essay as best as they can to make me obtain satisfaction.

After peer reviewing both of my classmates essays I was able to categorize my comments into the three sections we talked about in class, here are just a few examples.

“Ideas” Comment- “I think that your intro paragraph flows very smoothly and that you’re explaining exactly  what you’re going to write about, your thesis, very well.” This falls under the “ideas” category because Ii am explaining to the author that his thesis is very clear, it is indeed identifiable. This author knows exactly what they want to write about and it is very clear to read and makes it easier for the reader to read, making them want to read more.

“Evidence” Comment- “I think that this is a great example of using evidence, using the words “furthermore” and “to illustrate the point” this fits in very smoothly sand acts as great evidence/proving your point”  This falls under the “evidence” category because I explained to the author that his use of word choice is a great way to blatantly get to the point in explaining his quote, he didn’t bead around the bush, we learned in class to not hesitate to just be blunt, like “he’s my quote, here”s why is works, obviously not THAT blunt, but the author if this essay explained and proved his quotes very well

“Organization” Comment- “I think words like “lastly” and “overall” really belong in a conclusion paragraph. As a reader I feel like I am about to be done reading the essay when you still have more to say afterwards.” This falls under the “organization” category because I am explaining to the author that his wording, to me, does not really work there. I was trying to help him out with saying that he should try to use those kind of words in the last paragraph, to wrap up the essay, not in the middle of a middle paragraph when there are still more ideas to be read about.

My experience in prioritizing global edits over local edits was very different for me. I like that I was given initial ideas to think about when I was reading my peers papers, and that when I was reading and commenting I was allowed to go more in depth  in commenting on the paper instead of just talking about grammar, so typical. I really felt like I was potentially actually really helping the author out in trying to make their essay better, sure they won’t have to agree with all my ideas, but it felt good help thus far. And it made wonder about my essay while i was reading theirs, giving them ideas and helpful potential correction that I could perhaps apply to my own essay.

As I have recently just finished peer editing some of my classmate’s intro paragraphs, I find myself satisfied. It felt good to be able to compliment another peers work and let them know that they are doing a good job. I read a handful of people’s intro paragraphs and in the process it gave me new potential ideas for my own. I also read some of the reply’s that were classmates helping out their peers and they also helped me out by taking their criticism and applying it to mine. I find that sometimes, not ALL the time, a  professors corrections can be heavier in a sense than those of your peers. Your peers and you are on the same team, both trying to succeed, so when you come together to help one another…it feels good, you’re all together to help reach the same winning goal.

All of the peer edits were very helpful.

TITUS KAPHAR CAN ART AMEND HISTORY; TED TALK SUMMARY

Titus Kaphar is an artist who brought his kids to an art museum. Before they had entered the building, one of his kids noticed something about the sculpture that was outside of it. The curious child proceeded to ask his father, Kaphar, about the sculpture saying, “How come he gets to ride and they have to walk”(1:12). The sculpture was of Teddy Roosevelt riding a horse and two children not or the white race walking along side the horse. Kaphar, in the Ted talk, proceeded to tell his story, saying that he didn’t have an answer for his child.  His son was realizing that it wasn’t fair. Kaphar new this, but didn’t know how to take it. “That doesn’t look fair, why is this thing that is so not fair, sitting outside such an amazing institution”(1:36).  Kaphar wanted to change things.

Kaphar had taken collage courses when he was younger, one of them being art history, after enjoying it due to his liking of visual learning, he took more art classes. The last art history class that Kaphar took was a survey art class that tried to push too many topics into a short amount of time. Because of this, the professor wanted to skip a subject that, of course, was the subject Kaphar was most excited for. “We’re going to skip this chapter today”(5:39).  Kaphar was very passionate about this and made multiple attempts to have the professor go over it, including going to the dean.  In the end, he had to just teach and learn about it on his own time.

Kaphar continued to be very passionate about this subject. In the Ted Talk, he spoke a lot about it. Paintings everywhere, ones that he visited in museums to teach himself how to paint were all paintings that put black people away. These paining made black people seem less important than the paper they are getting painted on. “There are more written about dogs in our history than there is about this other character”(9:10). Kaphar really wanted to do something about this. But he didn’t want to erase history or make people think it’s about ratification, because it is not. “Shift your gaze slightly, just momentarily”(10:13). Kaphar in his art that is in a way fixing the originally art, has paintd over the other characters in the painting, all except for the black boy. But he has put oil in the paint so that the other originally more drawn out characters are not completely covered. Kaphar wants to show that the black boy is just as important. In all art, black people are just as important to all other characters.

RHYS  SOUTHAN IS ART A WASTE OF TIME; SUMMARY

Rhy Southan is an artist, a writer. He wrote an essay that started by explaining how he views art and how he enjoys it. Also in the beginning he shares that he heard about this group, a growing activism movement called Effective Altruism. He meets up with two of them on a train and turns out that the two group members, later known as EA’s, are going to attened a group meeting in East Devon fro a cottage retreat. The idea of a cottage and woodsy setting for this writer to complete his screenplay sounded excellent. Southan joined them. While on this retreat, not only writing got done, but so did a lot of learning about the Effective Altruism movement. Bonding with the group members they started telling Southen that there are other more important things to worry about in this world other that art and writing. The EA’s explained that their movement was about aiding in ending poverty. Being a part of their movement meant putting as much as you can, including money wise especially into helping people in poverty. “A baseline donation of 10 percent of your income to effective charities”(p433). All of this seemed almost absurd to Southan, it made him question if art was actually important in helping the world or not? And maybe if it even mattered.  The EA’s continued to let Southan know that art does’t help the world, “Effective Altruism would sometimes say that the thing you most enjoy isn’t the most moral thing to do.”(p438).  Southan doubts about art helping the world where not helped when later he found out that his finished screenplay was turned down. All of this in addition to his screenplay failure made Southan, again, second guess himself and continue to think, are the EA’s right? Are their ideas valid? Southan later talks about how the EA’s have almost a concept that if you don’t have a high paying job, then you are very replaceable. So art would not be a great job to them, continuing the idea that it is not important. Southan talks about a story that he heard from a programmer for the UK -based ethical careers website 80,000 hours, Ozzie Gooen told him about. In the story describes a spoofed super hero that cared about art making rather than helping people in need. Those people still felt good because what they were doing was better than nothing. This hero was called “Net Positive Man”. Southen sees Gooen’s views but does not agree with them because this hero was making fun at those people who chose art instead. “If what you want to do is make the world better, the impact of paying to treat many people with curable diseases might seem a little humdrum compared with the revolution in human consciousness that will surly come when you publish your novel. But if donating to charity feels a bit generic, the lives it saves are not.”(p450) Southan then on the same page uses the quote, “If accepting the shallow-pond analogy, everyone is morally horrific. Even Peter Singer himself. Everyone can be doing more than they currently are.” Southen concludes with this saying not doing art instead matters just as much as it does’t matter. Anyone can always do more, so might as well do what you want to do.

After reading “Is Art a Waste of Time” by Rhy Southan for the second time, I have learned a few things about myself. I have learned that I am very passionate about the arts without even knowing it. I always knew that I respected and enjoyed the arts, however, I didn’t participate in them as much as you might think I would after reading my first blog post. I have also learned that I am very stubborn and have almost a tunnel vision towards Southan’s essay. While I was reading it for the second time I noticed that just like the first time, I found myself getting angrier and angrier. I have no patience for people like the EA’s. I am all for helping people in poverty and helping trying to end it ,but I don’t think it has to come down to what they are doing. The EA’s are not even paying attention to their own message! They are trying to make people happy, that is their goal, by helping them. They are devoting their lives as much as they can towards helping people in poverty. They want to give money and aid them because in the end, those people will be happier if they had a little more in their pocket. It is a lot of it, but population in poverty is defiantly not 100% of the world! There are other people that need happiness on this planet, including themselves. Hats off to them if what they’re doing is what truly makes them happy, go ham at it, but that is not the entire world’s hobby. People do what they love and that is what makes them happy. For some people it is art. Those people are allowed to devote as much time to making art as the EA’s spend helping people in poverty. When I was glossing the text I just found more reasons to be angry and not like the EA’S. For example, while glossing the text I came across the word “lucrative”. After finding out on Dictionary dot com (http://www.dictionary.com/browse/lucrative) that it means “money making”, I re-read the sentence. It was in the first paragraph on page 437 of Rhy’s essay. In this paragraph it was talking about the replacement factor of the EA’s. Basically it says, if you’re not in a “lucrative” business or job, then you might as well not be helping the EA’s at all.  I become furious after reading this, a familiar feeling, and continue to hold my same opinion towards them. Glossing the text served as great kindling for the fire of hatred I have towards the EA’s. It helped me more understand words I didn’t know prior, and had me reaching new levels of hate for this organization. People are still good people as long as they are doing good. Good shouldn’t be measured, because every penny counts and a little good is better than none at all.